Talking like Bogart

Teen and tween girls. . . teen and tween boys. . . and a lot of women older than teenagers, try to make their voices all ratchety and sandpaperish. Why? Well, the only reason I can come up with is this: About seven years ago (Because that's when I first noticed this strange behaviour)there was, in school, this super popular girl. She was the smartest, prettiest, sweetest little buttercup with a figure that made boys cry and other girls contemplate suicide. There was one other thing that set her apart from all the ducklings in the school. . . she could make her voice raspy! (Sort of like the sound of an old car motor trying in vain to get up a steep hill). The other girls couldn't change their inadequate figures, or faces, or boobs or bums, but they did have a bit of control over the way they spoke. So, with a lot of practice and hard work, they could and did make their voices sound like a skid-row boozer. In so doing, they thought they were a little bit more like The Chosen One. Boys also found this attractive and they too tried to emulate the old car on the hill. However, a lot of the boys, and some of the girls too, only suceeded in sounding like they were having a difficult time doing their poo poo. Still, the raspy voice syndrome spread from school to school, city to city, province to province, all over North America, and even across the pond. The older women who think they are being real cool and teenagerish by talking raspy are the same type of women who tried to wear the mini skirt in the 60s and just looked rediculous. Right now teenagers think it's the cool way to speak but hopefully, if they haven't already ruined their larynx (voice box), and when their brains mature enough to realize how stupid and silly they sound, the sandpaper voice will go the way of the hoola- hoop.
Dimmy
www.harper-and-me-and-cbc.blogspot.com

The Mystery of Bin Laden

In the latter half of 2002 a wounded Bin Laden, two of his relatives, and two other faithful henchmen were slowly making their way through the mountains of Afghanastan. Hampered by the almost continuous U.S. bombing, it took them three weeks before they finally found a cave safe enough to rest in. With very little food and water they stayed in the cave for another nine days. One of Bin Laden's closest friends died there. Eventually they made their way across the border into Northern Pakastan where they found a reasonably safe place to recover. Bin Laden's height posed a serious problem. There are not many 6 foot 6 inch men wandering around. Add a four inch turbin and he starts to resemble the Statue Of Liberty. It was Bin Laden's brother-in-law who came up with the idea! Does anybody remember the old movie from the 50's, Moulin Rouge? Jose Ferrer, who is nearly six feet, played the part of the midget. (Okay,okay. . . Little Person) To do that they made a set of little legs with feet, and he would bend his legs and put both knees into these little fake half legs and walk around looking like he was about 5 feet tall. Bin Laden's brother-in-law knew just the "smithy" to do the job. Eventually the blacksmith and Bin Laden spent five weeks together in a secret location making, testing and perfecting the little legs. Mr. Ferrer could only spend 15 minutes at a time in his legs but Bin Laden, because of the robes he wears, didn't have to bend his legs nearly as much and could spend hours walking around as a 5 foot 8 inch person. Shave the beard, add a pair of feminine spectacles, a silk turban and the proper robe and Bin Laden becomes a very attractive lady. That is how Bin Laden managed to avoid capture all these years in spite of the enormous bounty on his head. The brother-in-law paid off the smithy. . . He's burried in Northern Pakastan.
So, gentle reader, I have one last comment to make about this. . . Whether you are in Ottawa, Vancouver or Pakastan and feeling a bit lonely. . . that cute chick you pick up may have more between the legs (Be they real or stumpy) than you care to investigate!

Tis a strange, strange world we live in, Jasper Mack!

This blog will advise all readers of many strange issues:
Why teen or tween girls (and boys too) all seem to think their voices have to sound ratchety as though they had been drinking raw whiskey for years. The actual location and appearance of Osama Bin-Laden. What pussycats are really all about. What actually started the process that initiated the Big Bang. How to Get everything you want from your spouse. Does the moon really have an effect on human behaviour? The biggest danger to your hard earned/saved cash. And more!
www.cbc-n-ya.blogspot.com